Little Known Child Excuses

Often I am trying to get other things done at the same time as trying to get the kids ready for bed.  Being savvy, they recognize sometimes this means a window of opportunity for not staying on task for the bedtime routine. 

A few weeks ago we had just such an experience.  I was working in the office, and called in to our 6 year old, R, that he needed to get ready for bed.  After a few minutes of not seeing any movement, I looked in and found him staring intently at a new Encyclopedia of Legos book he had just gotten.  The following conversation ensued.

Me: Hey, Buddy, it's time for bed.  You are going to have to put the book away and get ready for bed.
R (without lifting his head): I can't take my eyes off of it...its too cool.
Me: You'll have to.
R (unmoved): Still can't do it. Daddy, its still too cool.

Darn Lego hypnosis!

Birthday Boy

About 10am yesterday morning this conversation occurred:

4 Year old G: When's my birthday?
Mom: Tomorrow.
G: That's too far away.
Mom: No it's not. When you go to sleep and wake up again it'll be your birthday!
G: (lies down on the floor) I'm getting tired. I need to go to sleep.

Nice try G!

Can We Do It Again?!

From a friend yesterday in Southern California and proof that kids can have fun in just about any condition:

Hosting playgroup today with 5 4-year-old boys. Just had an earthquake!! Stuff knocked off the walls, but everyone is fine. But now they keep wanting to play "earthquake!"

Uplifting Music

From a friend: For Family Night tonight, we were talking about only listening to music that was pleasing to God. Mom: "What kind of music do you think is pleasing to God?" 5 year old A: "All The Single Ladies?"

You Jane!

Our two year old nephew, W, stepped in tar at the beach today. He informed his mother that as long as he had tar in his foot, she could call him "Tarzan."

Early Onset

From my mom:

We got a cute story from an old college friend. Her granddaughter was vomiting in the morning, but recovered very quickly and was able to go to school in the afternoon. She explained to her family that she had “morning sickness.” Her grandmother couldn’t stop laughing and when the little girl asked why, she explained. The little girl replied, “Grandma, I’m only 7!!”

In the Genes

Our 7 year old niece, E, brings home books from school every evening. She generally prefers the fictional children’s literature, but she recently brought home a non-fiction book about bats.  It said that bats like to eat bugs, fruit and fish. It also said that bats have been getting some sort of illness that causes their noses to turn white. They aren’t sure what’s causing it. E apparently thought about it for a few moments and said she thought she’d figured out the problem. According to her, we have been “pollinating” the rivers and streams. That has caused the fish to become “pollinated” and the bats eat the fish, which is then causing the bats to get sick.  My sister (trying not to laugh at the confusion of the words pollinate and pollute) told E what a good job she had done in thinking that through.  E said that of course she would be able to do that.  Why?  Because she was “born of a scientist” and (speaking to my sister) “you are married to a scientist,” so, of course, she (E) can think like a scientist!

It's in the genes (or the water)!

Pack Rat

From our sister-in-law:

Last night, W had a diaper leak that required a middle of the night sheet change. After I put him back in bed, he began frantically running his hand over all of his clean blankets/sheets. Then, in desperation, he looked up and said, "I can't find my booger!" I guess he was saving that one for later.

Batteries Not Included

From our sister-in-law:

21 month old W wants to sit on the potty. I'm not ready to potty train, but his insistence has led me to occasionally sit him down on the toilet (fully diapered and clothed). His comment? "Oh no...no sound. Potty needs batteries." What is it with boys and potty sounds???

Look Out!

From our brother-in-law:

This morning when our birthday boy, 3 year old B, came downstairs he was greeted by G (our 5 year old), exclaiming, "B, it's your birthday!" B stopped in his tracks and with a concerned look on his face he looked around the room and asked, "Whewr? Whewr? Whewr's my birfday?"

Sisterly Advice

From our sister-in-law:

We're trying to teach W how to suck out of a straw/sippy cup. Tonight at dinner I asked (5 year old) B to demonstrate for him. She picked up her cup and simply said, "W, you suck."

Inappropriate Children's Toy?

The latest craze at our house with our 6 and 7 year old sons are Beyblades. These whirling, spinning battling tops became a favorite topic after the brothers got them from Santa in their stockings. Our 10 year old daughter, A, seemed really rather taken aback with the whole thing, although she seemed to think the Beyblades were kind of entertaining.

A few days ago when I was talking to my boys about them, she heard me talking about the toy, and finally our birds and bees-educated girl just couldn't stand it anymore.

A: "What is that toy called?"
Me: "A Beyblade."
A: "Ohhhhhhh! All this time I thought you and the boys were calling it a Babe Laid!

No... no, we weren't!

Baked potato and... a skin condition?

A few months ago, our then 9 year old was telling me she was having a problem. She showed me red, irritated patches on her skins. Feeling her pain, I grimaced and told her it didn't look too good. Grimly, she said, "Yeah, it's bad. Mommy says it looks like chives."

Did You Get the Message?

From our sister-in-law:

B (5) wanted to "write" a note to her dad. So, I carefully printed out "Dear Dad, I love you. Love, B" for her to copy down. She must have skipped ahead because the final copy read..."Dear Dad, I love B."

Well, at least we don't have to worry about poor self esteem! :-)

So Sad!

Our 5 year-old niece, B's, quote of the day: "Today I was really sad. I was more sad than a duck."

If you say so!

What's His Name Again?

At church last week, we were sitting listening to a very colorful speaker. The man giving a talk repeated over and over again, "My idiot brother," which raised serious eyebrows from our three kids, since "idiot" is a word banned from use in our house. After the third or fourth time the speaker said it, our seven year old, T, turned to me and said, "Maybe his brother's name is Idiot."

Card Shark

T and I (J) love to play the game Dominion, as most of you saw back in August. A few nights ago, we were playing and, since A is working on sitting up with minimal support and is grabbing things with a vengeance, we thought she should try her hand at cards.

Hey, you gotta start 'em out young.

Needless to say, she won.

Living the Fairy Tale

From our sister-in-law:

After watching the opening "Tangled" song B (4) says to me: "I wish I had lots of chores."

Ummm... can I get that in writing?

myPod

From my sister:

Conversation from tonight after getting home from the store:

G (4): "When E turns 12, her's going to get an ePod, right?"  

Dad: "An ePod?  What does that do?"

G:  It's like a phone and it plays music and stuff.

This conversation begs a question though:  If E gets an ePod, G most definitely will need a gPod and then B will be wanting a bPod......and that could get a little pricey, right?  :-)

Mixing It Up

From our sister-in-law:

Comedy of errors today. I was leading Singing Time at the toddler music co-op. W (2) exploded all over his pants in the car on the way over so he comes w/ just a diaper. He wanted nothing to do with sitting nicely while I led the songs so I tried to do everything one handed while pinning him to my side with the other. At one point he broke free and started running laps around the inside of the circle...and then his diaper fell off. B (4) is chasing after him yelling that he's naked and I'm still supposed to be singing (I'm not...I'm laughing so hard I can't do much else).

Here's hoping next week is more singing...less streaking.

Popcorn Lover

From my sister:

Popcorn is G's (4) favorite snack right now.  I even taught him how to make it in the microwave.  Right before bed one night he asked me if he could sleep with the popcorn.  I told him under no conditions could he have food in his room when he was trying to go to sleep.  He assured me he just wanted an unpopped bag of microwave popcorn to sleep with.  He said he would leave it in the wrapping.  

It took some convincing, but I eventually said it would be ok as long as he didn't open the bag up and spill kernels everywhere.  Then he said maybe my favorite line of the year, "Mom, I just love sleeping with popcorn....dont' you?"  Me:  "Um.....sure......just don't tell anyone we had this conversation, ok?"

May I Please See Your ID?

From our sister-in-law:

B (4) quote of the day: "Mom, I'm going in the garage to get loaded."

Now, I know she meant loaded into the car, but it still made me chuckle.

Telling It Like It Is

From my sister-in-law:

B (4) quotes of the day: "Dad, maybe when you make a little more money we can do fun things." 

And, as she and her dad were leaving to run an errand, "Mom, maybe you can surprise us with a clean house when we get back." 

 Thanks kid.

Not Quite Too Old

From my sister-in-law:

B (4)  doesn't talk like a kid anymore. No more "fall & crumble" or "I need some hel." Even the last holdouts (Blak-let & Root BeerD) have gone the way of proper pronunciation. So it was to my great pleasure when, upon seeing the can of fruit I was serving for lunch, B exclaimed, "I love CAN-darin oranges" 

Correct her and die!!!

Happiest Place on Earth

From my sister-in-law:

I was kind of sad when B (4) informed me that she knows that Princess Belle isn't real... that was until she clarified, "Except at Disneyland!"

To Be Or Not To Be?

From my sister:

 G (4) promised me today that he would "be a have" (long "a" sound) if I took him to the grocery store with me. I'm not sure if I'd like having a "have" at the grocery store with me or not.

Self Aware

Occasionally it appears that your message is getting through to your kids... but maybe not completely.

Our 5-year-old today:

R: My bed is breaking.
Me: Why?
R: Because I am jumping on it.

Lost in Translation

Following the devastating tidal wave in Japan, even little children seek understanding.  From a friend:

Tonight L asked me what caused the salami in Japan to get so big. That's right, the salami.

 The Japanese probably wish it had been a salami!  Our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to the victims of the tsunami.

Good Eats

From a friend:

Took C (3) to the mall with me. After a few hours of shopping, he wanted lunch. Where should we eat? He grabbed my hand and dragged me through the mall, finally stopping in front of a store. "Let's eat in HERE!" he said excitedly. We were staring into Victoria's Secret.

 Dad's response to the whole thing: "Like father, like son!"

No Guilty Pleasures Allowed!

From a pregnant friend:

Me: quietly enjoying my bowl of Frosted Flakes

P (6): "You know those aren't good for you, right?" 

grrrrr......

One Of These Things Is Not Like the Other...

Our 4 year old niece, B, introduced her mom to her pretend family today.  There was a sister with her name, a brother with her brother's real name, a dad with her dad's name... and a mom named Goo!

You know you must be a cool mom when you are the only one with an imaginary alter ego with a name like that!

Too True!

The holes in our 4 year old niece's pants keep getting bigger. When her mom questioned her why this was, she told it like it was:

"I like to STINK my fingers in them."

Amazon Mom

About to head into the shower, I heard a disturbance in our boys' room.  Going in shirtless, I tried to address the situation.  After I had my say, our 5 year old, said, pointing to my pecks, "Dad, you have a big chest."  Taking the opportunity to impress him, I explained that those pecks meant I was strong. 

"Oh," he said, nodding.  Then the light bulb went off in his head.

"Well, Mommy is a lot stronger than you, because hers are longer than yours."

Yes, yes, she is!

Motel 6 Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

Today we had two guests over for dinner.  Midway through the meal and without warning, T, our 6 year old, turned to our guests and said:

"Hospitality is my eternal weapon."

Look out all hotel chains and guest lodges!

Taking a Breather

On a family stroll today, our 5 and 6 year-olds were running around playing tag, enough to make our 5 year-old huff and puff a little bit.  As he was taking a minute to recover, our 6 year-old says, "Okay, let's run again."  The answer was right on:

"Not yet.  I need to give my breath a minute to rest."

S.O.S.

This one comes from our friend's three year old who was looking for a little attention:

"Mommmmm.... I'm standing on my chair! Come get me before I fall on my head and have to go to the hopspitable..."

Rescue

From another friend, proof positive that kids are on the lookout for those in need:

My 3 year old daughter looked at my pregnant belly today and said, "Mom, I think our baby is stuck in there. We better get her out." Don't I wish! 2 more months!

Right Hand From the Left

From a friend:

Sitting in church yesterday with son J.  I asked him which hand he takes the bread and water of the sacrament with. He holds up his right hand and I tell him good job. Then he holds up his left hand and loudly announces, "And THIS hand is for hot dogs!"

Date Night

We do a babysitting swap with some friends who are the lucky parents of five very active boys, ranging in age from 3 to almost 11.  As you can imagine, they rarely get the opportunity to get out as a couple for a date, hence the reason for the swap.  Last weekend we hosted their boys so they could get one of those longed-for nights out.  While we had the boys over, the three year old said:

"My Daddy is on a date."  We said, "Really?!"  And he said, "And my Mommy, too."  Clearly, he knew what was going on so we asked him, "What are they doing on their date?"

Without hesitation, he said:

"Doing homework."  Never miss a chance to hit the books!

Mesmerized

My wife was out of town visiting relatives, so I was holding down the fort.  As we were nearing bedtime one night, I was trying to get everyone through the nightly routine while finishing up a project in my office.  After a couple of tries calling out to our five year old to head to the bathroom to use the restroom and get ready to shower, there was still no movement in that direction.

Exasperated, I called out, "R, what are you doing?"  The response: "Looking at my Lego sticker book."
My reply: "Thanks for telling me, but now it is time to get ready for bed.  Put down the book and go to the bathroom!"  Little did I know the power of that publication.  R's reply:

"Daddy, I can't stop looking at it.  It's too cool!"

P.S. What is a cabin??

On the same cabin trip, shortly after we arrived, it became clear that we hadn't quite explained what a cabin is - only that we were going to one. B took a quick walk around inside and then declared: "This is a weird looking cabin . . . it looks like a house!!"

High on a Mountain Top

While staying with some friends at a cabin in the mountains, we took a short hike around the property. One side was a little treacherous, and our four year old had some reservations about walking down it. We didn't realize how concerned until she verbally expressed herself: "Wow! This hill is so deep! I hope I don't fall and crumble."

Irregular

Souplantation (in some parts of the country called Sweet Tomatoes) has become our favorite restaurant, especially since we usually have coupons that make it very affordable.  The staff there over the past few years has gotten to know us.  As we were sitting there eating on one particular occasion a little while ago, one of the assistant managers came by, said hi, and dropped off a stack of coupons at our table.  We appreciatively said thank you.  After she left, our 9 year old asked:


"Why did she do that?  Is it because we are Normals?"  Utterly confused, my wife and I asked, "What are you talking about?" She said, "You know, because we normally come here?"  Just like the pants, it hit me:


"Oh, you mean Regulars!" Yup, that's it!  You've gotta love upper level developing language skills!

Harry Poppins

My sister introduced her kids to Mary Poppins a few months ago. Her 5 year old is quite in love with the movie but can't keep old and new stories quite straight. She referred to it as Mary Potter.  At least it's better than Harry Poppins. But it seems pretty appropriate since she calls the Mrs. Butterworth syrup they use on their pancakes Mrs. Butterbeer!  Here's to you, Harry!

White Christmas

Living in a place where the sun is shining year round has some distinct advantages, but unfortunately lacks the luster of a good snowfall at Christmastime.  My wife has lamented on several occasions about our barren tree in the front yard with no leaves and no decorations unlike the rest of our lit up yard.  But our 6-year-old came up with a solution. 

As we were driving around looking at Christmas lights a few weeks ago, we saw the many colorful, amazing displays.  In the midst of this, we passed by a house that had apparently just been TP'ed that night or the night before.  After passing the house, our extremely thoughtful 6 year-old, as matter-of-fact as can be, said:

"I just got an idea from the house back there.  Let's get a bunch of toilet paper and we will just throw it over our tree.  And then we can just leave it up for the rest of Christmas."

I have a feeling he is a mere 8-10 years away from spreading such "Christmas cheer" year-round!

Failure To Launch

My wife is always telling our kids that except for very limited exceptions (e.g., college), they can never leave home and are going to stay with us forever because she would miss them too much.

So the other night at dinner, out of nowhere, our 6 year-old turned to his mom and said:

"Mom, guess what?!  I never have to leave you! I can go to college in my pajamas." (Mom has quizzical look on her face). "No for real, I saw it on TV.  It was on a commercial.  You can go to college in your pajamas on your computer.  I never have to leave home!"

Hurray for technological independence!

Routines

Our 3-year-old niece lives in New York City, and her family has a car that needed to get moved on a pretty frequent basis to avoid a parking ticket.  Here is her conversation with her Mom when moving the car:

Niece: Mom, buckle up right now, let's go.

Mom: Okay, where are we going?

Niece: Costco.

Mom: Okay, what do we need at Costco?

Niece: Um...chicken....and....Diet Coke! And if you are good, you can have a hot dog!

Christmas Spirit

To all the "Elf" fans, our niece got off the bus in mid-December from school and declared there was no Christmas spirit anymore (some kids were arguing with each other on the way home). So what did she do about it? She sang "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" at the top of her lungs.

What A Bum!

B to her dad as they boarded an airplane: "Your bum is too big to fit on the airplane." The next night she asked her dad what his bum was going to be for Halloween.  Did he get the message?